i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
