I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
