Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize