i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
vagina is talking i cant
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
