i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
