Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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