Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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