wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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