New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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