Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
