I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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