i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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