I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize