Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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