Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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