whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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