So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
two words...techno handjob
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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