You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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