His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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