Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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