I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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