How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
