he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
