My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
