Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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