no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
