I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize