You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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