Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
