there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
