Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
