And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
