she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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