This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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