Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
