Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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