dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
