I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
