; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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