Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
