mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
