Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
