Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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