It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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