We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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