If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
