Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
