Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
