K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
