theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
