I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
