and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
