on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
