I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
