i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
