Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
