No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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