so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
