Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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