i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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