your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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