its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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