before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
