have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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