Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
