I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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