I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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