So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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