Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize