Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize